Young Adult Crossing

Graduation is in sight. I'm about to start a new job. I'm finishing up an internship at a publishing house. But still I'm asking myself, now what? It's that dreadful question that brings me to this dreadful stage in life. 

As a young adult, I want to have that loose, carefree lifestyle associated with those first few years of college (though I was not much of a partier). Still, I liked the fun independence behind it- going to class, meeting with friends, playing intramural soccer, and not having to worry too much about adult responsibilities like deciphering bills and taxes, driving and paying for a car, and somehow finding a suitable job to keep up with it all. But young adulthood is dichotomous as I would also like to have that sense of maturity, knowledge, and confidence that I can handle whatever comes my way.

Even though I have made progress on my self-esteem over the years, I have noticed that whenever I start something new, I respond with fear. Take the new job, for example. Whenever I start a new position, I immediately wonder if I'll like what I'm assigned to do, if I'll fail miserably and do a poor job, how long will I be there, is this really what I want to do/should do...The questions go on and on until they keep me up at night and before you know it, I'm dreaming about an unclear future. Not fun (or healthy, I suppose). It's almost like an instinct or a defense mechanism for me to try to understand what's going on so I can define it in my own terms. 

But I realize I'm not alone in thinking that being a young adult is in no way a cakewalk. It's a struggle for everybody, we're all trying to make our marks and find our places even though it's oftentimes strange and even frightening. Between entering the workforce, making ends meet, navigating relationships and finding "the right one," it's all very difficult for me to understand. Add to that, what I really want to do is hard enough- writing and illustrating books is an end goal, but until then, I have to support myself somehow until I can get to that point. 

My favorite verse in the bible is Matthew 6:34: "Therefore, do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own." I grapple with this thought everyday but somewhere in the back of my mind I know that what God means is true and I hold onto it. Yes, I have many dreams, and while I do hope they come true one day, I should not waste my breath worrying about fulfilling them ASAP. I should be grateful for what I have and where I am in life, even though it seems eerie and unfamiliar. Then again, things aren't always what they seem.